Begin & End

We started building a house last week.

We've been in the process for two and a half years, but it really feels like my whole life because "when we build our house" was always on the horizon.

It feels like that's the way a lot of my life is going right now. This is the time we've been talking about and to which everything's been leading up. I'm a senior in high school. That means this is my last summer of youth. My last year of HPA, co-op, piano. This is my last summer in this house. The last summer to run these specific roads in the morning. The last summer to sit alone on the tree swing as the sun sets.The last summer to make jam in this kitchen. The last fall to pull in and out of this driveway. The last fall to die of laughter in our kitchen over huge Carmel apples causing mouth problems. The last fall to watch these leaves change. The last fall to start a new highschool journal on the first Tuesday of September.

Last.

Last.

Last.

I hate lasts.
------------------------------
There's also a bunch of beginnings.

First time registering for classes. First time attending college. First time I'm fully responsible. First time I really have to decide what to do with my life. First time driving to school. First time driving the carpool to HPA. First time being a really truly "big kid." First time planning to graduate. First time to wonder about a after-school job.

First.

First.

First.

Sometimes, I think I hate firsts too.

If you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm a person of routine and order. I am usually content to keep things the way they are. Let's just perform this show every weekend for forever. Let's not start that new class. I don't want to drive on that new road. I like the group of people I hang out with now.

But we can never move ahead into all the fantastic blessings God has for us if we stayed in the past.

This means things have to change.

And we all know how I feel about change.

I had coffee with a friend last Friday and we discussed how wonderful it is that in the midst of our chaotic, crazy, ever-changing lives, God never changes. (Malachi 3:6, James 1:17, Psalm 102:27)

Ever.

I think as teenagers/young adults, when our life plans and friends and dreams and goals are changing faster than we can come to grip with it all, this is especially reassuring. My life feels like it is spiraling out of control so very often, but God never changes. My house may change, my plans may change, my friends may change, my job may change, but God remains the same faithful, holy, perfect, loving, all-knowing God that He always has been and always will be.

As a Christian, who you are to Him doesn't change either. As long as you continue loving and following Him, repenting and confessing your sin, He will hold you securely (1 John 5:18). Your world can be turning upside down, but He holds you in His hands, protecting you, shielding you, loving you, covering you with His wings.

For me, in the midst of so many beginnings and endings and I-don't-even-know!s, this is the ultimate reassurance. Wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doing, however life is changing moment by moment, these three things remain the same.

My God never changes.
He is always faithful.
He loves me, insecurities, unknowns, mistakes and all.

The same is true for you.

Yes, you. I might know you and I might not. But I do know this.

He loves you.

No matter how you messed up last year, last week, yesterday, this morning, no matter how much you doubt, He still loves you. He created you and you are His. Run to His unchanging arms today, friends, and let Him give you peace.

A Year Ago Today {Nicholas's Hospital Story}

A year ago today, June 5th, 2012, started normally. It didn’t end that way.

That Tuesday started one of the craziest weeks of our lives, and we couldn’t have made it through without the support of some very special people.

To you who cleaned our house, filled our fridge, organized our towel drawer and brought us dinners,

Who stayed with us at different points, took the kiddos to swimming and me to driver ed,

Who occupied the girls, did our laundry and let me cry in the car,

Who texted me over and over, and let me vent,

Who sent us encouraging emails, texts and Facebook messages, and let us know you cared,

Who visited Nicholas in the hospital, prayed over him, and let my momma have a water break,

Who prayed,

Thank you. I can’t express how much you mean to us all. Your prayers, words, and help mattered- to Mom at the hospital, Dad in Ohio, and me home with all the girls. We couldn’t have made it without you and we firmly believe that Nicholas is healed today because of the healing power of our Heavenly Father. Your prayers made a difference.

Nicholas’s story is below, for those who might wish to read it.

God is good.

~~~
It’s a basic Tuesday morning and my mom is out running when my sister comes in and tells me that my brother can’t get out of bed. I go in and basically tell him to swing his legs around and climb down. It seems like a minor bump to a “normal” day. An hour or two later, he’s still complaining about his leg when I leave for Driver’s Ed.

Later in the day, he’s still in a ton of pain- and Kristin is still hobbling around from her hurt toe she got at soccer the night before. After dinner, Mom takes them both to the urgent care clinic, and I stay home with the little ones. She brings them home around 9:30- Kristin with a jammed toe and Nicholas undiagnosed. They think that possibly he has an appendix on the other side and that maybe he has appendicitis. We’re told to go the the E.R. if his pain gets worse or if he throws up. It’s a hard process to get him up the stairs and into bed.

The next morning, he “thinks it feels a little better.” I go off to driver’s ed again, after making Momma promise several times to text me updates. He gets worse throughout the day, and once piano lessons are over, Mom decides to take him in. Getting him into the car is difficult; he’s in so much pain that he can’t move his leg or hip without crying. We all cry a little watching him cry as they drive away.

Mom calls every few hours to give us updates, and the doctors don’t seem to know exactly what is wrong. First they say it’s appendicitis, then a badly pulled muscle, then a bacterial infection of the hip. It’s hard to wait, not knowing. Anna and Libby get a lot of texts, and their prayers and assurance is such a blessing. The doctors decide to admit him overnight and Mrs. W and Carson come over to spend the night with us and bring food. Dad leaves Ohio at 3 in the morning so that he can be at [the hospital] by 9. We think there’s a lot of long, painful tests ahead, and Dad wants to be there for Nick, for Mom, and for us.

I have to leave the house at 7:15 to drive the next day, and Mom texts while I’m at class that it’s a viral infection called Toxic Synovitis. They come home around 3, and he’s still limping, but so much better. He’s home, and we all think that life will go back to normal again. It doesn’t.

~~~

It’s around 8:30 the next morning when the phone rings. Mom answers it, gets a funny look on her face, and goes into the office to talk. A few minutes later, she comes back in to tell me that the doctor called and that they found staph infection in Nicholas’s blood- in both samples they sent in to test. The doctors need him to come back to the hospital right away. His appointment for 4 o’clock that afternoon is too late.

When Momma tells him, he cries, “You mean I have to go back and get more blood tests?” He’d had 7 blood tests and 3 ivs already in the past 24 hours. Mom texts Anna from church to come stay with the kids, and I have to get ready to leave for Driver’s Ed. At this point, I begin to think that driving is a little overrated.

Mrs. S comes to pick me up, and Mom comes out to the van to tell her. Then Mom starts crying, I start crying and Mrs. S starts praying. It’s a few minutes before we leave our driveway. Everyone in the car and at class was so sweet, but I think that was the longest class in history. I get home to a counter full of food, a clean house, and the kids just getting home from swimming lessons. I strongly believe we have the best friends in the world.

The doctors do an echocardiogram of Nicholas’s heart to make sure the staph isn’t infecting it, and it comes back fine. Ws pick us up and take us to a little party that's been planned for a few weeks, and we pray for Nicholas while we’re there. We’re told that the doctors will do one more test to make sure he’s positive, and then they will start him on iv antibiotics for a week or two. If he responds well to those, they’d send him home with a PIC line for another two to four weeks. I email and text to get others praying, and Mom and Dad do the same. Satan starts whispering, “You know how you planned to...” and “How will you do/go ___ with Nick attached to medical lines all day?” We keep praying. Satan goes away.

We all get to go visit Nicholas at the hospital the next morning, and then Anna takes us home. We’re supposed to get the test results around 12, and Dad and Mom don’t want us there. It’s closer to one when a doctor comes in and tells them. “There’s absolutely no traces of staph in his blood. There’s no explanation for this. I just can’t understand it.”

We do. Our God is good.

Our Vacation at the Lake {Part Uno}

 In July, my family was up at my grandparents for two and a half weeks- only coming home for a few hours for the funeral of Mrs. D. It was a wonderful family reunion and we had a wonderful time holding babies, waterskiing, eating amazing food and watching the Olympic trials.

Pictures will probably stretch into two or three posts... don't worry, they're quite interesting. :)

The sunset our first night... it was a great return. :)

Holding Pax for the first time

Reading to Zoe and Gus

Curious George

Red, White and Blue Popsicles!

Ellie and a baby doll

Pax and I hangin' out one morning

Riding the four wheeler with Pap (Hannah in blue, Ellie in purple)

Myself with Pax, Jenna with Ty

The mens' fishing party

"Helping" push Ty

I painted all three three year old's toes

A family picture :)

A second post coming next week. :)

Grace Camp (Part Two)

 {Part One posted here}

I open my Bible, eager for something that can be used to express what I feel right now.

The 63rd psalm.

God, You are my God...

I soak it up. I am a lion, hungry, starved for meat, for substance. I find what I am looking for and more.

God, You are so good.

Finally opening the devotional that has blessed me so much, I read. I write. I pause, reflecting on what I know to be true. I challenge myself, and then I pray.

God, Thank you so much for allowing me to have this time full of You today...

I glance at my phone to check the time. 6:53. I gather my things, blowing off sand and smoothening the pages. As I rise to begin the walk back, the rooster crows. A muted baaa rises from the sheep pen and I speeden my steps towards “home”.

Mama is up. She greets me as I place my things on the table and receive a frying pan full of stuff. good stuff.

She is off for the showers, off for a bit of hot water before the heaters run cold. I plug in the fry pan and pick up two eggs. They remind me of the plans I have made for myself, the plans that I scribbled into the margins of my lifebook,the one in God's hands. Smooth and white and firm, the eggs are still under my hands. I have control.

God has control.

I tap the eggs against the pan, urging them to let me coax out the good. They groan. I tap harder and have to hit them one last time before they give in. They crack. I open them, dropping the insides into the bowl and throwing away the shell.

Lord, you may crack me. I know that sometimes I protest, but I'm giving you back the pen. It hurts when you throw away the shell, the shell of my “perfect life...”

Trust Me, Daughter. I will give you joy.

I grab more eggs, emptying each in turn. 14 eggs. I beat them mercilessly before pouring in milk, cold and sweet. Like grace.

See, daughter? Even when life gets tough, I give grace.

I grind salt and pepper into my eggy mixture, the mixture that is giving me lessons in Him. I cut a pat of butter, and it turns to liquid gold under the heat of the pan. I hear the door open and a little arm clothed in brown flowered pajamas pushes it open enough to stick her face out. Dimples deep enough to hold the Pacific beam up at me and a small voice proclaims delightedly, "Hi Deedee!" the thought comes before I can stop it.

There goes my peace and quiet! I won't be alone for the rest of the day!

Then the Voice comes again.

Remember child, I give grace and strength. All you need to do is ask.

I swoop the girl up in my arms and she laughs. I give her a good morning hug before setting her down next to me and brushing back the sleeptangled hair.

“Me too, Deedee? Me eggs?”

I let her grind a bit more salt into the gloopy bowlful, and then I mix one more time before pouring them into the sizzling pan.

I stir, scraping the pan clean.

Ellie talks on and on, gleeful at her time alone with big sister.

The eggs are done.

I turn off the heat, cover them to keep them warm.

I lay out plates and Ellie puts a muffin on each one. A muffin loses a chocolate chip to a hungry two year old, but I pretend to be too busy pouring water to notice.

I see Mom on her way back and hear another voice by the door, “me too! Me help too!” and suddenly the campsite is full of noise and children.

I dish eggs. and grace.

“I want cheese!”

“Please pass the salt. I SAID, please pass the salt!”

A cup overturns, spilling its contents onto the table, the bowl of eggs and the bench.

Remember, daughter...

I remember, Lord. Joy and grace.

So I grab another bowl. And I serve up more eggs, with an extra helping of grace.

Grace Camp (Part One)

{This part one of a fictional story I wrote back in August. Fictional meaning it never happened, but I wrote it about my family and I. Part Two will be posted in the next week or two.}

It is silent. The morning light is just beginning to filter in around the closed shades. My phone jingles softly with the alarm that resembles the "Happy Day" song on Sesame Street. I start, quick to silence the sound that could potentially wake the family. I listen. Good. All remains still.

Pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt, I grab a small pile of things I had left out the night before.

Bible. Check.
Devotional. Check.
Notebook. Check.
Pen. Check.

I slip past the curtain that separates the bunk room from the rest of the camper. Slip past Ellie, twirling her hair as she sleeps. Slip past Hannah, who shifts slightly and my heartbeat races until she finds her paci and rolls over again.

Unnoticed.

I hold back a sigh of relief and write a note.

6:15. Going to the beach for bible study. Be back by 7. Lindsey

I slide open the lock. Hold the door open while I slide out trying not to bang it.

Closed.

Again, I listen. I can’t hear a sound. I smile.

Success.

Gravel crunches under my feet as I walk. I wave at the lady a few tents down, another lady who needs her time with Jesus before the busyness of the coming day. I stop in the bathrooms, splashing the cold water over my face and pulling back my hair. Already, someone is in the shower and I hear the water falling, raining down on a dirty body, raining down on a soul that needs cleansed.

Wash me today, Lord. Rain on me.

I continue on.

Past the quiet tents and campers. Past the animals beginning to stir in their pens. I reach it.

The beach.

I smile.

Joy is invading my soul.

I look around.

I am alone. Just me and Jesus.

I make my way to the cross, standing there on the sand, proclaiming to all that this, this is a place of rest. I sink down into the coolness of the ground. the breeze plays with my hair and I close my eyes. And breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe in the fresh lake air, the pine trees around the trail.

Breathe in the scent of coffee drifting from another early riser’s pot.

I breathe again. Peace.

Lord, fill me. I am ready. I am Yours.

A Night to Remember

It started with a simple conversation around the picnic table on August 31st. We were in a giddy mood because we were finally at camp, and it was showing itself in our speech. “Did you know that Abigail and Brian are eating dinner on top of the dune tonight and watching the sunset?” turned into “Today’s a really good day....” and then we started wedding plans. It was all in fun though, and we knew better then to expect anything. Soon it was sunset time and the whole idea was forgotten.

Time laughed and soon the sun was gone. Maddie, Arie and I searched for sea glass as the waves frolicked around our feet. Nan and Lid had gone back to camp when I saw Beagle and Brian with Mr. and Mrs. L___ walking towards the road. Being as impulsive as I am, and seeing as I hadn’t hugged her yet, I ran up and threw my arms around her. However, in less then a minute, I was summoned back to a growing group of girls and waved good bye.

A trip up the dunes was in the works, but I declined. I needed to stay with my “charges” and we told everyone to go on without us and have fun. After a bit more searching, we decided to stop at the restroom and then head back to camp.

As we rambled up the sand, Lidia came by on her bike and called, “Montanna has something to tell you.” My first thought was okay, we aren’t going swimming tonight. But then Nan came riding up and exclaimed, “Lindsey. Abigail’s engaged!”

I think I just stopped dead for a pure second, not contemplating what that really meant. Then... I screamed. and kicked off my shoes (have you tried running in flipflops?!?!?) and screamed again. Suddenly the dreams and plans of the past months had become a reality.

Jesus had worked so much though this whole night. Besides working out the perfect story between the newly-engaged couple, He kept me from climbing the dune with my other friends and in many other places I saw His hand.

Nan rode back for my shoes as I stumbled across two parking lots and a rough woodchip path. It only took a minute more of searching before I shrieked again and ran into her arms. In the brief period when time stood still, it had grown dark and she shone a flashlight on her hand so I could see her ring. It was gorgeous.

The rest of the night was a flurry of excitement and calling Katherine and Jeremy and Did you hear? Did you see it? AHHHH!! We finally settled down around W_____’s fire to let the news finally sink in; although the whole next week someone would exclaim “Guess what! Beagle’s engaged!!!!” and we would all shriek and scream again. But before the clock struck eleven, we headed for the bathrooms -finally!!- and then fell into bed. And we all knew that this camping trip could not be any more perfect.

Photo by Mrs. B

*Abigail is the sister of one of my very best friends, and she is an amazing, gorgeous woman of God. Montanna and I have been planning her wedding for months and we're all so excited to finally attend it this summer. I'm going to cry. and it will be beautiful. That's all I know. :)*

Lately

Lately... Life has been laid back.

We've done a lot of "home" things... the things that keep you busy and add excitement without having to go places.

It's been quiet (as quiet as a house full of 6 children can get) and peaceful. most of the time.

And it's been a learning time. I've been reading and studying lots, and my Bible is bringing me lots of new truths.

Not only reading and studying for fun, but looking for a HPA monologue too. :)

Now that school has started, I've got some great stuff for you all. Reflections, stories, and pictures from our summer, along with explanations as to what HPA is and why it means so much to me.

Coming soon... with all you in mind!

Hi! I'm Lindsey. Remember Me?...

So Hi! Again. I know I haven't been the best of bloggers lately, but I'm okay with that.

I have been really busy. My family just got back from a week-long camping trip (more on that soon.) and all the children in my family recently stayed with another family while my parents went to a nearby lake for the weekend.

On top of that, I've been finishing up my Algebra book (So Close!!), preparing for HPA auditions, and getting ready for my freshman year. Because before I know it, this is going to be upon us.

Source

Fall!

And I want these last days of summer to last as long as possible.

And another thing, it's been almost 3 years since these little girls entered the world...

and I am fearful that I am already missing so many little bits of their lives. I don't want to be the aloof big sister, who is always on the laptop and cell phone, or hanging out with her friends or upstairs with the door shut.

I want to be remembered as a loving, caring oldest sister, who was never too busy to make time for them.

And they are way more important then anything on my computer.

So yeah. Just a little update on my life and things I'm thinking about. I'll try to be back soon!

10th Anniversary Pictures

My Uncle and Aunt are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary this month and while we were at the lake I took some pictures for them. I love how they turned out even though it was a bit sunny.

So what do you think? Our lake is so gorgeous; we are blessed!

Summer Books

These are the books I'm planning on reading this summer. I would love suggestions!

Uncompromising by Hannah Farver

I've read the first 22 pages of this book on Hannah's blog and it looks so good. Just those first pages really ministered to me and I got so much out of them. I can't wait to order this one and read it by the lake!

 

Being a Girl Who Leads by Shannon Primicerio

I'm leading a Bible study at the end of the summer and I'm excited to read this book to prepare for it. I think that it will help me in my role of a big sister who leads often also.

Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy

I've read 2 Ludy books so far and loved them! It can be a hard being a set-apart girl in today's world and I'm looking forward to harvesting so many tips and quotes from this book!

A Young Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George

I haven't really done a lot of research one this one... but I'm sure it will be good!

You can read my full list of Books to read on Pinterest.

So what do you think? Have you read any of these books? What books are you planning to read this summer?