Begin & End

We started building a house last week.

We've been in the process for two and a half years, but it really feels like my whole life because "when we build our house" was always on the horizon.

It feels like that's the way a lot of my life is going right now. This is the time we've been talking about and to which everything's been leading up. I'm a senior in high school. That means this is my last summer of youth. My last year of HPA, co-op, piano. This is my last summer in this house. The last summer to run these specific roads in the morning. The last summer to sit alone on the tree swing as the sun sets.The last summer to make jam in this kitchen. The last fall to pull in and out of this driveway. The last fall to die of laughter in our kitchen over huge Carmel apples causing mouth problems. The last fall to watch these leaves change. The last fall to start a new highschool journal on the first Tuesday of September.

Last.

Last.

Last.

I hate lasts.
------------------------------
There's also a bunch of beginnings.

First time registering for classes. First time attending college. First time I'm fully responsible. First time I really have to decide what to do with my life. First time driving to school. First time driving the carpool to HPA. First time being a really truly "big kid." First time planning to graduate. First time to wonder about a after-school job.

First.

First.

First.

Sometimes, I think I hate firsts too.

If you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm a person of routine and order. I am usually content to keep things the way they are. Let's just perform this show every weekend for forever. Let's not start that new class. I don't want to drive on that new road. I like the group of people I hang out with now.

But we can never move ahead into all the fantastic blessings God has for us if we stayed in the past.

This means things have to change.

And we all know how I feel about change.

I had coffee with a friend last Friday and we discussed how wonderful it is that in the midst of our chaotic, crazy, ever-changing lives, God never changes. (Malachi 3:6, James 1:17, Psalm 102:27)

Ever.

I think as teenagers/young adults, when our life plans and friends and dreams and goals are changing faster than we can come to grip with it all, this is especially reassuring. My life feels like it is spiraling out of control so very often, but God never changes. My house may change, my plans may change, my friends may change, my job may change, but God remains the same faithful, holy, perfect, loving, all-knowing God that He always has been and always will be.

As a Christian, who you are to Him doesn't change either. As long as you continue loving and following Him, repenting and confessing your sin, He will hold you securely (1 John 5:18). Your world can be turning upside down, but He holds you in His hands, protecting you, shielding you, loving you, covering you with His wings.

For me, in the midst of so many beginnings and endings and I-don't-even-know!s, this is the ultimate reassurance. Wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doing, however life is changing moment by moment, these three things remain the same.

My God never changes.
He is always faithful.
He loves me, insecurities, unknowns, mistakes and all.

The same is true for you.

Yes, you. I might know you and I might not. But I do know this.

He loves you.

No matter how you messed up last year, last week, yesterday, this morning, no matter how much you doubt, He still loves you. He created you and you are His. Run to His unchanging arms today, friends, and let Him give you peace.

Turning the Page

two thousand thirteen

It was a crazy,

wonderful,

hard,

amazing,

blessing-filled

year.

One of my favorite verses this year (and consequently, one of my favorite things I memorized) was Isaiah 43:1-4. 

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine. 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
You are precious in my eyes,
    and honored, and I love you..."

Isn't it beautiful?? These four verses have been SUCH a blessing. God has used them to help me so much, in so many circumstances. I've texted them to friends, written them on school papers, recited them in family devotions and while driving down the road and standing in Lake Michigan with the waves washing over my feet. God speaks to me every time.

I definitely want- need- to read and memorize more Scripture this year. I don't have firm goals in this area yet, but I definitely want to do indepth study of the NT letters and want to memorize several passages and/or chapters. So excited to see what God will teach me this year!!

~~~

We sang this song in church this summer and I've loved it ever since.I've sung this one in northern MI, southern CA, and everywhere in between. There's nothing like belting "Jesus, ONLY Jesus!" in Satan's face in moments of attack.

Our family thrives on music. We have Christian music playing every day, and I love it. I would love to solidify some basic guitar chords so that I can pick up my guitar and worship God, instead of strumming away with no purpose.

~~~

Favorite Blog Posts of 2013:

The Day After Easter

I Will Write

Sea Breezes

On Weddings, Babies, and Never-Ending Highschool

My goals for this little blog include a good long heart post once a month, along with a short post with a few thoughts, verses and pictures every few weeks. I love to write, and I want to keep it a priority in the craziness of transcripts and starting my senior year and such.

~~~

I read 163 books last year. Some were for school, some were fun "fluff," some were children's chapter books, and some were good uplifting nonfiction. My favorites were:

Speak Love

Graceful

Duncan's War

Bittersweet

Bread and Wine

The Kingdom Series

Thrive

 I know I won't be able to read as much this year. School and working and school (and honestly, facebook) have taken up much of my time. My goal is 75 books right now, and I hope that I'll be able to prioritize my time to read that many.

~~~

I don't know what things God is going to do in my life this year. 

I know there will be hard moments. 

There will be I-can-hardly-breathe-this-is-so-perfect moments.

I'll cry.

I'll laugh.

God will choose to let some of my plans for my life come into being.

He'll also choose to remove some of them for something better.

He may take me home to heaven this year.

What He does, I'm choosing to to intentionally live every moment to the fullest, putting God above all, people above things, enrichment over mindless surfing, health over ease. I'm SO thankful that NEVER ONCE will I ever walk alone, that my God will "never leave [me] or forsake [me]."

Bring it on, 2014. 

I've got the King of the world on my side.

On Weddings, Babies, and Never-Ending Highschool

I have a friend who is married with a 8 month old baby boy. I ran into their little family on my way into Starbucks the other day and it was so fun to hug them and watch them click J's carseat into the car and drive away. That pang stuck my heart though... you know the one. Jesus... I want that to be me so badly. Can't I be grown up now?

Another dear, dear friend was married in May and is due with her sweet baby girl in March. We meet at Biggby or Panera and I absolutely love to hear her talk about how she loves being married and how she can't wait to hold her daughter. I love it. But there are also moments of I.just.can't.wait.until.this.is.me.

I have a friend who is planning her wedding, dropping out of college to save money for marriage. I have a friend who is head over heels in love with her man and honestly, we're all just waiting for her relationship status on FB to change and pictures of a diamond to appear. A good number of my friends are older than me by several years, and so these days, lots of life-changing things are happening to them.

It's easy for me to feel left behind sometimes. They're all out there, with their exciting lives and men and babies, and here I am. Still in high school. Still plugging away at the school books and enduring the drama (no pun intended) of HPA. It's exhausting and monotonous at times. It's easy to feel like the end of the school year- or even Christmas break- will never come, much less graduation. And graduation isn't even the magic key to marriage and babies and exciting life.

What would happen if we all just took a moment to think about this?? How as little girls we longed for this time in our lives? How so many others don't make it to 16, to 20, to 35? How these moments, these days, will never come again?? People, this stage in your life will finish, this page will turn, and we won't be able to go back.

I don't want to pine these last years of high school away by wanting a husband and a family. I remember thinking as a little girl that 16 would be the absolutely perfect age and it seemed so far away. But I'm living those perfect days right now! and they are good. I have a relationship with the King of the world, a wonderful family, amazing friends. I love homeschooling, HPA, quirky moments with those I love and freedom with my days. Why is it so hard to be content with all those blessings?!?

It all goes back to that one truth: Satan doesn't like God to be glorified. He will fight nail, teeth, and bone to keep praise from going back to our Savior. And you know something?

Discontent people rarely worship God meaningfully.

When I remember that God has given me this school, job, year, life to do for Him and His glory, and when I live like I believe it, I do my school in a way that worships the Lord. When I remember that He has given me these last few years to have a huge impact on my siblings' lives, I work hard to invest in our relationships. When I remember that my high school friends will be busy with college and life in two very short years, we gather together to study the Bible and worship and pray and make memories together. When I remember that God has given me life, I live it to His glory.

Satan hates this.

Dreams aren't bad. Marriage is incredible. Babies are a massive blessing. What is wrong is when we allow Satan to distract us from our everyday work with whisperings and what-ifs. God knows the desires of our hearts! He loves to give good gifts to His children. But we have to trust that His plans for us are for the very best and that He never, ever makes mistakes. So many times I have prayed for something desperately and later realized how good it was that I didn't receive that gift. Other times I have prayed for something to later be overwhelmed with gratitude when God blesses me with that very thing.

Don't think I've mastered this. I've been battling it for days, weeks, months. I'm preaching to myself here. But be encouraged, friends! God knows what He's doing in your life and even if it feels like this stage will last forever, it won't. Don't let Satan discourage you from fighting the good fight. Find joy in doing what it is that God has you doing in the here and now, and remember that before you know it, these days will be but a memory. What you do with them is up to you, but don't waste them.

"For who knows what is good for man while he lives the few days of his vain life, which he passes like a shadow?" {Eccl. 6:12}

God does. Rest in His arms, in His love for you today, friends.

A Long-Needed Update

I've been scared to update on my last post... scared to tell you all that things are going better for fear they'll take a turn for the worse and scared to tell you that things are still bad because they really aren't and I'm just.so.blessed. But honestly, I don't know how to start to tell you.

Do I tell you about how the pain slowly dulled and is now nearly gone?? How I disobeyed God and how that didn't go so well?? How I have amazing friends and family that helped me through? How since then, I've experienced the blessings of God in full abundance pouring down on me?

It's been such a growing year for me. I've experienced school and lots of it. People told me that the junior year was heavy, and it's true. Chemistry, Advanced Math, American History and Biblical Worldview don't give me a lot of time, but God keeps reminding me that this is where He has me in life, to learn and study and work hard. And it's all going really well. My days are full, but they aren't overwhelming. God helps me every day.

HPA has been interesting. Every year is such an adjustment, and every year I think is really hard... until the next year. I've learned (and been reminded of), thus far: 1. God works everything out for good. 2. Singing alto is a really fun challenge. 3. True friends make time to listen and remember to check on you. 4. If you hurt someone- even accidentally- apologize right away. You have no idea how much pain can be prevented that way. 5. Saying "No, God, I don't really like that idea." and doing it anyway doesn't end prettily. 6. God loves to bless those who follow Him.

I've had to let go of friends that promised we'd stay together, and God has grown friendships that completely bless my socks off. No words to explain this. He's given me a friend who lets me call her anytime, totally is big-sister protective, and mentors me through life; another who makes me laugh, who cares and listens, and who always brings me back to God; and still another who never runs out of things to talk to me about, who can finish my sentences and with whom I can laugh hysterically about nothing with and who is always a text away from a prayer request.

And finally, everything for me goes back to God and the cross. It has been truly incredible to watch Him work in my life, and to realize that He is really always there, caring, loving, waiting. Prayer after prayer, He has revealed Himself to me, and I'm such an awful Christian- so unworthy to even bear that title- but He loves me anyway. He died to save me, to offer me and you and everyone the undeserved, ultimate grace. These last few weeks, so often I've stood in awe of His holiness, His perfection. It never gets old.

And at the end of this long, rambling blog post, that's what I want you to go away with.

God is good. 

He came to earth. 

He died. 

He rose. 

He is holy. 

He is King.

Jesus, I am Yours.

More soon, friends. ♥

Sea Breezes

Sometimes God puts a passion in you and it's revealed through little flashes and glimmers of joy.

Maybe it's in the smile you can't keep off your face when you're dancing your heart out or singing harmony in a crowd of your favorite people or throwing yourself in someone's face and stomping through your rehearsed lines on that wonderful hollow stage. And then the hugs and laughs that happen with those same people in the wings.

Maybe it's the way that whenever you're on hospital grounds, something in you lets go and you notice every person in scrubs, every long white doctor's coat, and every name badge and title. How you love the fountain and grand piano in the lobby and the walls and the carpet and the hand railings. And yes, how even the smell invigorates you.

Maybe it's how when you sit alone in a dark room with a computer with clicky keys, you can't help but to write. Maybe it's an email to a friend or a memoir of a wonderful day or a lesson you've learned but you almost can't physically stop until you've finished.

Or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's swimming or painting or computer tech or baking or running or mowing. Whatever it is, if your heart speeds up and your face can't help beaming and if you feel like you're home, then I would stop for a minute.

Ask God if He's speaking to you about this. Yes, it could be the wonder and the beauty that's luring you in, but does God want you to stay?

Or does He want you to leave?

That, my friends, is the question. Is this thing, this horseriding/soccer/coffeemaking thing, is this what God wants you to serve Him in? Is this the direction He wants your life to start moving?

If it is, then you should run through that open door and dive into the beautiful ocean of God's will for you.

If it isn't, then keep looking. Find another passion that your fire for is so strong, you think you might scorch those around you with the heat.

Too many people are content in their puddles, or even their pools, without realizing what wonders could await them. Sure, the saltwater stings your eyes sometimes. But when the sun hits your face and the sea breezes toss your dripping hair, you'll discover that this is pure joy- this wonderful place of being in the ocean of God's plans for beautiful, wonderful, amazing you.