Unraveled

I'm a giant sweater
But unlike normal sweaters,
I wear down with just a little use.
Normal living- conversations, class, the public eye-
Exhausts me.
It unravels me.
If I don't stop
I turn into a tangled pile of yarn
Not much good for anything.
So I need to get away
Really NEED to.
I need to curl up in a corner and breathe.
I need to read in utter silence.
I need to let my brain slow down.
I need to take my mess to the Master Crafter
And let Him knit me back together. 
 
I'd love to hang out with you.
I'd love to get coffee and go shopping,
Watch movies and party for hours on end.
But that's not how I was made.
I can't do those things hour after hour
Day after day.
I'm a sweater, not a raincoat.
Things don't just slide off.
Attempting to cover my holes
Only pulls out more threads.
When school and work and stress,
Social life and just doing empties me,
Give me time alone with my Maker
Let Him fix my twisted knots
And I'll come back.
I will.
Then I'd love to see you,
To hug you,
To talk.
 
And this sweater will be much more capable of keeping you warm. 

To the friend whose skies are dark...

Dear friend,

It's going to be okay.

Maybe you're post audition/job interview/massive test, and everything is out of your hands.

Maybe your best friend won't talk to you and just thinking about her hurts you to the core.

Maybe your dad is dying of cancer and you don't think you can live without him.

Maybe you're having a panic attack every day and this terror is consuming your life. (<-- that was me.)

Maybe he broke your heart.

Maybe you think one more day at this job will drop you off the deep end.

Maybe everything feels completely out of control.

Maybe the person who was supposed to protect you betrayed you and now you feel shattered.

Sure, I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but that's alright.

You are still breathing. You are still living.

Your story is not over.

The sky might be dark, the waves overwhelming, and you may feel like you'll never make it to the surface for air, but these days do not define you.

Your brokenness is beautiful, and you do not need to be ashamed of it.

You are not your mistakes. You are not the battles you fight.

You are not a problem to this world.

You are not alone.

You are a dearly loved child.

Your Father is the King of the world.

He is with you always.

He is ALL you need.

You will make it.

Recite Scripture over and over.

Surround yourself with people who love you, who will hug you tight and fight for you, who will listen, who will read Scripture over you, who will speak truth over you, who will be quiet with you, who will pray with and for you, who you can text anytime, who will sit with you when you try to eat and can only cry.

Go ahead and cry hard.

Pray. Even if you feel like "God, I can't do this anymore!" isn't much of a prayer. It is. And it can lead to more.

Sing worship songs at the top of your lungs.

Don't quit.

Someday soon, you'll look around and realize that the stormy skies have turned more blue than gray.

Same lake, different days.

Then you'll be jumping up and down giddy that you had two good days in a row.

And before you know it, the good will out-number the bad and all you'll be able to do is praise the Lord for His goodness.

Until that day- however long it takes- press on.  

You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

A living testimony of His grace,
Lindsey

Psalm 27:13-14

"I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord."

Isaiah 43:1-4

"But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

...Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you..."

A Letter to My Girlies

Dear ones,

Can it really be that you are 4 and a week today? When did you go from being my babies to my girlies?

I love that you are twins. I love your closeness and the way you know each other inside and out. I love how when you're apart, it's "When's my sister-friend coming home?" all the time.

Having lived this life for 11 1/2 more years than you, I've poured out my heart here on this page. I know that all too soon, you'll be reading this yourself. As for right now, you're sitting on the floor playing with your Bitty Babies and singing something to the tune of Jingle Bells. and I love it.

First of all, JESUS. Make sure He always comes first. Don't let anything get in the way of having time with Him. Know that no matter what, He will always, always, always be at your side and He loves you more than the sun and the moon and the stars and this world and He died a bloody death because He loved you so. Love Him back. It's so worth it.

Stay best friends for your whole life. The world will try to separate you and Satan will annoy you but the relationship that you cultivated since before birth is beyond priceless. Whatever it takes, be on each other's side. Already, you both have such strong, loyal personalities. Use that strength and loyalty on each other. Never stop loving.

Don't play the comparing game. You are both incredibly beautiful, sweet, lovely girls. Being identical twins will be hard, but Jesus made you both in His image. One might have more friends, more boldness, more energy. That doesn't make you worse. You are your own unique person, created by the God of the universe.

Don't be afraid of the new and unknown. Don't be afraid to get your hair wet. The world can be a scary place, but Jesus is with you! You are a daughter of the King! Hold your head up and go out and do great things for Him.

There will come a day when something tragic happens and you feel like your world is crashing down. It isn't. Go ahead, cry, pray and take a few moments. It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to cry. Do you hear that?!? It's okay to cry. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Jesus has a really special guy picked out just for you. It makes me smile thinking of this now but it's, oh, so true. Don't worry at age 10 about how you'll meet him, or age 15 about how you'll know that he's the one. I can't tell you how you'll meet him, or how you'll know. But it's all in God's plan for you. Don't fret.

If you still wear matching clothes when you're 17, it's okay. :) And speaking of clothes, don't put too much effort into it, k? It doesn't matter what will make you look the cutest. Really, get up, put on clothes and spend the other time with Jesus. You'll get way more out of it than standing in front of the closet.

If you grow up and decide not to do HPA, it's okay. Don't be pressured into doing something just because we all have loved it. It's okay not to love what everyone else does. God put a special passion in you to go out and shine His light with. If God's not calling you to theater, that's okay. If you don't like watching football games, that's okay. If the piano keys don't make pretty noises under your fingers, that's okay. You go out and do what Jesus is calling you to, and I won't try to convince you otherwise.

Always be sympathetic. You never know what hardships someone is going through at home. Promise to be there and hug them tight and write them letters but most of all, pray. With them, for them. You'll never know how much it means.

You will be in weddings. You were already in Abigail and Brian's and were so adorable. But always be prepared with tissues and smiles and waterproof mascara. Know that your day will come and you will be the one in white. and I'll be the one with the tissues then.

Don't lose your individuality. It's a precious thing in this day and age. Stay true to who Jesus wants you to be. Don't sway with the popular crowd. I've done it and it's so not fun. Be who you are in Jesus Christ and He will help you stay strong.

You are amazing. The way your smile lights up the room and your laughter makes us laugh too makes our house a home. Your faces in that picture ^^^ make my heart melt. 

I could go on and on, but my fingers are beginning to stumble in the darkness of this quiet room. If you only get one thing out of this letter, have it be this:

Jesus loves you. Both of you. exactly how you are. Love Him back.

I will love you always.

Your Lindsey