On Being a "Yes" Sister

It's later than I like to start my math for the day. I spread out my books, notebook, calculators (yes, I use two), and note cards. Picking up my pencil, I write the lesson number and begin to copy the first problem to work out. And at that very moment, she comes through the door.

She's carrying a large book and as she walks toward me, her dimples show even though she's not smiling. "Lindsey, will you read this to me??" As I glance up into her big blue eyes, thoughts pour through my mind. That book?? She couldn't have picked a shorter one? You never even liked that one as a kid. And girl, you have so.much.math to do. Just tell her no. 

And I've told her no. Time and time again my voice has let those two letters free. No. No smoothies for breakfast. No book. No movie. No going outside. It got to the point where she and her twin sister would hardly come to me anymore for anything- and never to play with them. Let me tell you, that one hurt when I realized it was true. I was losing my little sisters.

They're in an odd stage right now and its one that is so easy to harp on. STOP it. Act like a 5 year old. Don't be silly. Open your eyes. (Seriously, what is it with half closing or completely closing your eyes when you're acting silly?) Don't act like a baby. Normal voices. 

It was a few weeks before Christmas when I pulled out several of my favorite old Christmas books and asked them if they wanted to read with me. Of course, they did, so we read about the candy cane and an apple tree and many others. 30 minutes later, they exclaimed "Thank you for reading to us!" as they climbed the stairs to bed.

Since then, I've tried. I played Candy Land, read books, baked cookies and muffins, and made smoothies every Friday morning (Except this Friday, because our blender burnt out). I've seized a few moments that I wouldn't have before... and I've also missed out on many that could have been wonderful memories.

I've written about this many times before, how we should treasure our time with those around us because they can be gone so quickly and because we are growing up. I haven't perfected it though... I'm nowhere near close. It can be discouraging to look back and see the times I failed and how sparse the times I haven't look in comparison. Let me tell you, I'm still in the thick of this one. I don't really see any light. But I'm wondering how different life would look- theirs, but especially mine- if I switched out even half of those nos with yes.

Yes. I'll make time for you.

Yes. You are important to me.

Yes.

It's not to say that no isn't okay. There are definite moments when a no is totally fine or even necessary. But yes, yes could work wonders on your relationship and your spirit. I've found that yes is freeing, life-giving. Yes allows you to step back from your own frazzled life and take a moment to seep it all in. Yes is a break, and more diligence and perspective when you come back to work.

Jesus said yes. I'm sure there were times when He wanted to go home or get away from the crowds or not answer one more question. But He did. He came to earth and served the people with love, giving more and more of Himself even when His human flesh grew weary. The story of His loving on and instructing the crowd of people who followed Him across the lake gets me every time. I know what it's like to want to be alone and withdraw from the crowds, yet He doesn't get annoyed or turn them away. I want to be like Him, to be able to surrender my plans without a complaint to serve others in love.

So I set down the notebook, smile at her, and open my arms. Yes. She climbs onto my lap and whispers, "I like this book." I whisper back, "I like YOU."

She's way more important than finishing three math lessons today anyway.

A Letter to My Girlies

Dear ones,

Can it really be that you are 4 and a week today? When did you go from being my babies to my girlies?

I love that you are twins. I love your closeness and the way you know each other inside and out. I love how when you're apart, it's "When's my sister-friend coming home?" all the time.

Having lived this life for 11 1/2 more years than you, I've poured out my heart here on this page. I know that all too soon, you'll be reading this yourself. As for right now, you're sitting on the floor playing with your Bitty Babies and singing something to the tune of Jingle Bells. and I love it.

First of all, JESUS. Make sure He always comes first. Don't let anything get in the way of having time with Him. Know that no matter what, He will always, always, always be at your side and He loves you more than the sun and the moon and the stars and this world and He died a bloody death because He loved you so. Love Him back. It's so worth it.

Stay best friends for your whole life. The world will try to separate you and Satan will annoy you but the relationship that you cultivated since before birth is beyond priceless. Whatever it takes, be on each other's side. Already, you both have such strong, loyal personalities. Use that strength and loyalty on each other. Never stop loving.

Don't play the comparing game. You are both incredibly beautiful, sweet, lovely girls. Being identical twins will be hard, but Jesus made you both in His image. One might have more friends, more boldness, more energy. That doesn't make you worse. You are your own unique person, created by the God of the universe.

Don't be afraid of the new and unknown. Don't be afraid to get your hair wet. The world can be a scary place, but Jesus is with you! You are a daughter of the King! Hold your head up and go out and do great things for Him.

There will come a day when something tragic happens and you feel like your world is crashing down. It isn't. Go ahead, cry, pray and take a few moments. It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to cry. Do you hear that?!? It's okay to cry. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Jesus has a really special guy picked out just for you. It makes me smile thinking of this now but it's, oh, so true. Don't worry at age 10 about how you'll meet him, or age 15 about how you'll know that he's the one. I can't tell you how you'll meet him, or how you'll know. But it's all in God's plan for you. Don't fret.

If you still wear matching clothes when you're 17, it's okay. :) And speaking of clothes, don't put too much effort into it, k? It doesn't matter what will make you look the cutest. Really, get up, put on clothes and spend the other time with Jesus. You'll get way more out of it than standing in front of the closet.

If you grow up and decide not to do HPA, it's okay. Don't be pressured into doing something just because we all have loved it. It's okay not to love what everyone else does. God put a special passion in you to go out and shine His light with. If God's not calling you to theater, that's okay. If you don't like watching football games, that's okay. If the piano keys don't make pretty noises under your fingers, that's okay. You go out and do what Jesus is calling you to, and I won't try to convince you otherwise.

Always be sympathetic. You never know what hardships someone is going through at home. Promise to be there and hug them tight and write them letters but most of all, pray. With them, for them. You'll never know how much it means.

You will be in weddings. You were already in Abigail and Brian's and were so adorable. But always be prepared with tissues and smiles and waterproof mascara. Know that your day will come and you will be the one in white. and I'll be the one with the tissues then.

Don't lose your individuality. It's a precious thing in this day and age. Stay true to who Jesus wants you to be. Don't sway with the popular crowd. I've done it and it's so not fun. Be who you are in Jesus Christ and He will help you stay strong.

You are amazing. The way your smile lights up the room and your laughter makes us laugh too makes our house a home. Your faces in that picture ^^^ make my heart melt. 

I could go on and on, but my fingers are beginning to stumble in the darkness of this quiet room. If you only get one thing out of this letter, have it be this:

Jesus loves you. Both of you. exactly how you are. Love Him back.

I will love you always.

Your Lindsey

You Say I've Been Gone For a While?

I've had a good excuse. :)

More soon.

Because We All Need Some Cuteness on a Monday Morning...

Cataloging Life

I've started carrying my camera around more. It sounds so simple- so easy. and it is. I mean, it takes a second and a half to clip my camera case to my belt loop.

and yet, that extra second and a half allows me to capture little moments that I might miss otherwise.

No, my pictures aren't perfect. Sometimes they're blurry and sometimes they turn people's faces yellow.

But they always mean something. They always carry a memory, they capture a moment in time.

Whether it's the feeling of my friends' arms around my waist, or the girls' excitement about milkshakes, every moment is worth the memory space it takes up.

I'm cataloging life.

And that is truly bliss.