This November, we had a record-breaking snowfall that began just as my Aunt and baby cousin flew in from California. Welcome back to Michigan. She teased that maybe she should rent a sleigh instead of a car, and it might have been a good idea. Snow kept falling from the sky. Within four days, we had twenty inches. Schools were cancelled, people warned to stay off the roads. It was a good few days to stay inside and be thankful for homes and heat.
That Wednesday was a work day for me, and as much as I was hoping for another snow day, another day to stay inside by the fire, it didn’t happen. A few of my friends and I texted early, sharing in our terror of the roads. One told me that they were a little scary but not too bad, he made it to work okay, and I would be fine. I later discovered he had less than two inches down where he lives. Thanks, dude. Give me two inches any day. I feel like I just drove through Elsa’s fury or something. My 15 minute drive took over 30, even in my 4-wheel drive pickup truck. I think my tension levels are higher than an astronaut’s are before takeoff… now I have to get home.
I read this morning that the weathermen are referring to our part of the state as the snowbelt, and that seems accurate. We tend to get dumped on, way more than my friends who live an hour south, and even more than my friends who live an hour north. We woke up to several more inches today, -11* wind chills, and another snow day.
I've always liked snow, always firmly believed that if it’s going to be cold out, there might as well be snow too. I think that fresh snow is beautiful. Then I started driving, and suddenly snow seemed a bit more evil. Winter driving conditions are nothing to laugh at in Michigan. On the highway, cars are in the ditch about every ½ mile, and all through the neighborhoods are tracks of vehicles sliding into yards and mailboxes and lampposts. There’s so much snow. So much ice. So much wind. It stresses me out.
A friend and I were discussing this stress the other day, how we’ve turned into weather-checking maniacs and how scared we get if we see that little snowflake on our weather app or, even worse, freezing rain. As we were joking about it though, conviction hit me.
I claim to trust God with my everything: my life, my day, my plans, my health, my friends. Can I not trust Him on the roads too? Isn’t it God who sends the snow? He knows when even a sparrow falls to the ground… do I really think that I could spin out, hit another car, crash into a tree, or even die without Him knowing it? Without Him caring? It seemed ridiculous to me that I could get so caught up in all my anxieties and forget to receive the peace that comes when you hand over your fears to Jesus.
I’ve been convicted of choosing fear over trust, and anxiety over joy. That’s not how I want to live my life. So when I shut my truck door, I’m taking a minute to remember that He tells me, “Do not fear, for I am with you… I am your God.” When it looks like I’m driving through a swirling vortex of white, white, and more white, I’ll just turn up the radio for more reminders that He loves me. And when my brakes grind and my truck keeps sliding, you can bet I’m praying frantically, but that my heart is where it should be, in the hands of a holy God, and that whatever happens to me, I’m trusting that His plans are always best.
The Bible is filled to overflowing with reminders not to fear, that anxiety and worry are not of God. I don’t want to be bound by my fears any longer, my fears of the weather, or of growing up, or of life. It’s okay to be cautious of unplowed roads and ice-sheeted highways, but it’s not okay to cower at home and complain about them. We are told to rejoice always.
So I’m choosing to see the beauty in the unbroken white. I’m choosing joy in that I have a working vehicle, a college to attend and a job to work. I’m choosing thankfulness for beautiful Michigan, and the glorious life God has given me here.
Baby, it’s cold outside. So we might as well let it snow.
Showing posts with label Trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trust. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
To the friend whose skies are dark...
Dear friend,
It's going to be okay.
Maybe you're post audition/job interview/massive test, and everything is out of your hands.
Maybe your best friend won't talk to you and just thinking about her hurts you to the core.
Maybe your dad is dying of cancer and you don't think you can live without him.
Maybe you're having a panic attack every day and this terror is consuming your life. (<-- that was me.)
Maybe he broke your heart.
Maybe you think one more day at this job will drop you off the deep end.
Maybe everything feels completely out of control.
Maybe the person who was supposed to protect you betrayed you and now you feel shattered.
Sure, I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but that's alright.
You are still breathing. You are still living.
Your story is not over.
The sky might be dark, the waves overwhelming, and you may feel like you'll never make it to the surface for air, but these days do not define you.
Your brokenness is beautiful, and you do not need to be ashamed of it.
You are not your mistakes. You are not the battles you fight.
You are not a problem to this world.
You are not alone.
You are a dearly loved child.
Your Father is the King of the world.
He is with you always.
He is ALL you need.
You will make it.
Recite Scripture over and over.
Surround yourself with people who love you, who will hug you tight and fight for you, who will listen, who will read Scripture over you, who will speak truth over you, who will be quiet with you, who will pray with and for you, who you can text anytime, who will sit with you when you try to eat and can only cry.
Go ahead and cry hard.
Pray. Even if you feel like "God, I can't do this anymore!" isn't much of a prayer. It is. And it can lead to more.
Sing worship songs at the top of your lungs.
Don't quit.
Someday soon, you'll look around and realize that the stormy skies have turned more blue than gray.
Then you'll be jumping up and down giddy that you had two good days in a row.
And before you know it, the good will out-number the bad and all you'll be able to do is praise the Lord for His goodness.
Until that day- however long it takes- press on.
You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
A living testimony of His grace,
Lindsey
It's going to be okay.
Maybe you're post audition/job interview/massive test, and everything is out of your hands.
Maybe your best friend won't talk to you and just thinking about her hurts you to the core.
Maybe your dad is dying of cancer and you don't think you can live without him.
Maybe you're having a panic attack every day and this terror is consuming your life. (<-- that was me.)
Maybe he broke your heart.
Maybe you think one more day at this job will drop you off the deep end.
Maybe everything feels completely out of control.
Maybe the person who was supposed to protect you betrayed you and now you feel shattered.
Sure, I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but that's alright.
You are still breathing. You are still living.
Your story is not over.
Your brokenness is beautiful, and you do not need to be ashamed of it.
You are not your mistakes. You are not the battles you fight.
You are not a problem to this world.
You are not alone.
You are a dearly loved child.
Your Father is the King of the world.
He is with you always.
He is ALL you need.
You will make it.
Recite Scripture over and over.
Surround yourself with people who love you, who will hug you tight and fight for you, who will listen, who will read Scripture over you, who will speak truth over you, who will be quiet with you, who will pray with and for you, who you can text anytime, who will sit with you when you try to eat and can only cry.
Go ahead and cry hard.
Pray. Even if you feel like "God, I can't do this anymore!" isn't much of a prayer. It is. And it can lead to more.
Sing worship songs at the top of your lungs.
Don't quit.
Someday soon, you'll look around and realize that the stormy skies have turned more blue than gray.
 |
| Same lake, different days. |
And before you know it, the good will out-number the bad and all you'll be able to do is praise the Lord for His goodness.
Until that day- however long it takes- press on.
You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
A living testimony of His grace,
Lindsey
Psalm 27:13-14
"I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord."
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord."
Isaiah 43:1-4
"But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
...Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you..."
and because I love you..."
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Begin & End
We started building a house last week.
We've been in the process for two and a half years, but it really feels like my whole life because "when we build our house" was always on the horizon.
It feels like that's the way a lot of my life is going right now. This is the time we've been talking about and to which everything's been leading up. I'm a senior in high school. That means this is my last summer of youth. My last year of HPA, co-op, piano. This is my last summer in this house. The last summer to run these specific roads in the morning. The last summer to sit alone on the tree swing as the sun sets.The last summer to make jam in this kitchen. The last fall to pull in and out of this driveway. The last fall to die of laughter in our kitchen over huge Carmel apples causing mouth problems. The last fall to watch these leaves change. The last fall to start a new highschool journal on the first Tuesday of September.
Last.
Last.
Last.
I hate lasts.
------------------------------
There's also a bunch of beginnings.
First time registering for classes. First time attending college. First time I'm fully responsible. First time I really have to decide what to do with my life. First time driving to school. First time driving the carpool to HPA. First time being a really truly "big kid." First time planning to graduate. First time to wonder about a after-school job.
First.
First.
First.
Sometimes, I think I hate firsts too.
If you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm a person of routine and order. I am usually content to keep things the way they are. Let's just perform this show every weekend for forever. Let's not start that new class. I don't want to drive on that new road. I like the group of people I hang out with now.
But we can never move ahead into all the fantastic blessings God has for us if we stayed in the past.
This means things have to change.
And we all know how I feel about change.
I had coffee with a friend last Friday and we discussed how wonderful it is that in the midst of our chaotic, crazy, ever-changing lives, God never changes. (Malachi 3:6, James 1:17, Psalm 102:27)
Ever.
I think as teenagers/young adults, when our life plans and friends and dreams and goals are changing faster than we can come to grip with it all, this is especially reassuring. My life feels like it is spiraling out of control so very often, but God never changes. My house may change, my plans may change, my friends may change, my job may change, but God remains the same faithful, holy, perfect, loving, all-knowing God that He always has been and always will be.
As a Christian, who you are to Him doesn't change either. As long as you continue loving and following Him, repenting and confessing your sin, He will hold you securely (1 John 5:18). Your world can be turning upside down, but He holds you in His hands, protecting you, shielding you, loving you, covering you with His wings.
For me, in the midst of so many beginnings and endings and I-don't-even-know!s, this is the ultimate reassurance. Wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doing, however life is changing moment by moment, these three things remain the same.
My God never changes.
He is always faithful.
He loves me, insecurities, unknowns, mistakes and all.
The same is true for you.
Yes, you. I might know you and I might not. But I do know this.
He loves you.
No matter how you messed up last year, last week, yesterday, this morning, no matter how much you doubt, He still loves you. He created you and you are His. Run to His unchanging arms today, friends, and let Him give you peace.
We've been in the process for two and a half years, but it really feels like my whole life because "when we build our house" was always on the horizon.
It feels like that's the way a lot of my life is going right now. This is the time we've been talking about and to which everything's been leading up. I'm a senior in high school. That means this is my last summer of youth. My last year of HPA, co-op, piano. This is my last summer in this house. The last summer to run these specific roads in the morning. The last summer to sit alone on the tree swing as the sun sets.The last summer to make jam in this kitchen. The last fall to pull in and out of this driveway. The last fall to die of laughter in our kitchen over huge Carmel apples causing mouth problems. The last fall to watch these leaves change. The last fall to start a new highschool journal on the first Tuesday of September.
Last.
Last.
Last.
I hate lasts.
------------------------------
There's also a bunch of beginnings.
First time registering for classes. First time attending college. First time I'm fully responsible. First time I really have to decide what to do with my life. First time driving to school. First time driving the carpool to HPA. First time being a really truly "big kid." First time planning to graduate. First time to wonder about a after-school job.
First.
First.
First.
Sometimes, I think I hate firsts too.
If you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm a person of routine and order. I am usually content to keep things the way they are. Let's just perform this show every weekend for forever. Let's not start that new class. I don't want to drive on that new road. I like the group of people I hang out with now.
But we can never move ahead into all the fantastic blessings God has for us if we stayed in the past.
This means things have to change.
And we all know how I feel about change.
I had coffee with a friend last Friday and we discussed how wonderful it is that in the midst of our chaotic, crazy, ever-changing lives, God never changes. (Malachi 3:6, James 1:17, Psalm 102:27)
Ever.
I think as teenagers/young adults, when our life plans and friends and dreams and goals are changing faster than we can come to grip with it all, this is especially reassuring. My life feels like it is spiraling out of control so very often, but God never changes. My house may change, my plans may change, my friends may change, my job may change, but God remains the same faithful, holy, perfect, loving, all-knowing God that He always has been and always will be.
As a Christian, who you are to Him doesn't change either. As long as you continue loving and following Him, repenting and confessing your sin, He will hold you securely (1 John 5:18). Your world can be turning upside down, but He holds you in His hands, protecting you, shielding you, loving you, covering you with His wings.
For me, in the midst of so many beginnings and endings and I-don't-even-know!s, this is the ultimate reassurance. Wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doing, however life is changing moment by moment, these three things remain the same.
My God never changes.
He is always faithful.
He loves me, insecurities, unknowns, mistakes and all.
The same is true for you.
Yes, you. I might know you and I might not. But I do know this.
No matter how you messed up last year, last week, yesterday, this morning, no matter how much you doubt, He still loves you. He created you and you are His. Run to His unchanging arms today, friends, and let Him give you peace.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Sea Breezes
Sometimes God puts a passion in you and it's revealed through little flashes and glimmers of joy.
Maybe it's in the smile you can't keep off your face when you're dancing your heart out or singing harmony in a crowd of your favorite people or throwing yourself in someone's face and stomping through your rehearsed lines on that wonderful hollow stage. And then the hugs and laughs that happen with those same people in the wings.
Maybe it's the way that whenever you're on hospital grounds, something in you lets go and you notice every person in scrubs, every long white doctor's coat, and every name badge and title. How you love the fountain and grand piano in the lobby and the walls and the carpet and the hand railings. And yes, how even the smell invigorates you.
Maybe it's how when you sit alone in a dark room with a computer with clicky keys, you can't help but to write. Maybe it's an email to a friend or a memoir of a wonderful day or a lesson you've learned but you almost can't physically stop until you've finished.
Or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's swimming or painting or computer tech or baking or running or mowing. Whatever it is, if your heart speeds up and your face can't help beaming and if you feel like you're home, then I would stop for a minute.
Ask God if He's speaking to you about this. Yes, it could be the wonder and the beauty that's luring you in, but does God want you to stay?
Or does He want you to leave?
That, my friends, is the question. Is this thing, this horseriding/soccer/coffeemaking thing, is this what God wants you to serve Him in? Is this the direction He wants your life to start moving?
If it is, then you should run through that open door and dive into the beautiful ocean of God's will for you.
If it isn't, then keep looking. Find another passion that your fire for is so strong, you think you might scorch those around you with the heat.
Too many people are content in their puddles, or even their pools, without realizing what wonders could await them. Sure, the saltwater stings your eyes sometimes. But when the sun hits your face and the sea breezes toss your dripping hair, you'll discover that this is pure joy- this wonderful place of being in the ocean of God's plans for beautiful, wonderful, amazing you.
Maybe it's in the smile you can't keep off your face when you're dancing your heart out or singing harmony in a crowd of your favorite people or throwing yourself in someone's face and stomping through your rehearsed lines on that wonderful hollow stage. And then the hugs and laughs that happen with those same people in the wings.
Maybe it's the way that whenever you're on hospital grounds, something in you lets go and you notice every person in scrubs, every long white doctor's coat, and every name badge and title. How you love the fountain and grand piano in the lobby and the walls and the carpet and the hand railings. And yes, how even the smell invigorates you.
Maybe it's how when you sit alone in a dark room with a computer with clicky keys, you can't help but to write. Maybe it's an email to a friend or a memoir of a wonderful day or a lesson you've learned but you almost can't physically stop until you've finished.
Or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's swimming or painting or computer tech or baking or running or mowing. Whatever it is, if your heart speeds up and your face can't help beaming and if you feel like you're home, then I would stop for a minute.
Ask God if He's speaking to you about this. Yes, it could be the wonder and the beauty that's luring you in, but does God want you to stay?
Or does He want you to leave?
That, my friends, is the question. Is this thing, this horseriding/soccer/coffeemaking thing, is this what God wants you to serve Him in? Is this the direction He wants your life to start moving?
If it is, then you should run through that open door and dive into the beautiful ocean of God's will for you.
If it isn't, then keep looking. Find another passion that your fire for is so strong, you think you might scorch those around you with the heat.
Too many people are content in their puddles, or even their pools, without realizing what wonders could await them. Sure, the saltwater stings your eyes sometimes. But when the sun hits your face and the sea breezes toss your dripping hair, you'll discover that this is pure joy- this wonderful place of being in the ocean of God's plans for beautiful, wonderful, amazing you.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
A Year Ago Today {Nicholas's Hospital Story}
A year ago today, June 5th, 2012, started normally. It didn’t end that way.
That Tuesday started one of the craziest weeks of our lives, and we couldn’t have made it through without the support of some very special people.
To you who cleaned our house, filled our fridge, organized our towel drawer and brought us dinners,
Who stayed with us at different points, took the kiddos to swimming and me to driver ed,
Who occupied the girls, did our laundry and let me cry in the car,
Who texted me over and over, and let me vent,
Who sent us encouraging emails, texts and Facebook messages, and let us know you cared,
Who visited Nicholas in the hospital, prayed over him, and let my momma have a water break,
Who prayed,
Thank you. I can’t express how much you mean to us all. Your prayers, words, and help mattered- to Mom at the hospital, Dad in Ohio, and me home with all the girls. We couldn’t have made it without you and we firmly believe that Nicholas is healed today because of the healing power of our Heavenly Father. Your prayers made a difference.
Nicholas’s story is below, for those who might wish to read it.
God is good.
~~~
It’s a basic Tuesday morning and my mom is out running when my sister comes in and tells me that my brother can’t get out of bed. I go in and basically tell him to swing his legs around and climb down. It seems like a minor bump to a “normal” day. An hour or two later, he’s still complaining about his leg when I leave for Driver’s Ed.
Later in the day, he’s still in a ton of pain- and Kristin is still hobbling around from her hurt toe she got at soccer the night before. After dinner, Mom takes them both to the urgent care clinic, and I stay home with the little ones. She brings them home around 9:30- Kristin with a jammed toe and Nicholas undiagnosed. They think that possibly he has an appendix on the other side and that maybe he has appendicitis. We’re told to go the the E.R. if his pain gets worse or if he throws up. It’s a hard process to get him up the stairs and into bed.
The next morning, he “thinks it feels a little better.” I go off to driver’s ed again, after making Momma promise several times to text me updates. He gets worse throughout the day, and once piano lessons are over, Mom decides to take him in. Getting him into the car is difficult; he’s in so much pain that he can’t move his leg or hip without crying. We all cry a little watching him cry as they drive away.
Mom calls every few hours to give us updates, and the doctors don’t seem to know exactly what is wrong. First they say it’s appendicitis, then a badly pulled muscle, then a bacterial infection of the hip. It’s hard to wait, not knowing. Anna and Libby get a lot of texts, and their prayers and assurance is such a blessing. The doctors decide to admit him overnight and Mrs. W and Carson come over to spend the night with us and bring food. Dad leaves Ohio at 3 in the morning so that he can be at [the hospital] by 9. We think there’s a lot of long, painful tests ahead, and Dad wants to be there for Nick, for Mom, and for us.
I have to leave the house at 7:15 to drive the next day, and Mom texts while I’m at class that it’s a viral infection called Toxic Synovitis. They come home around 3, and he’s still limping, but so much better. He’s home, and we all think that life will go back to normal again. It doesn’t.
It’s around 8:30 the next morning when the phone rings. Mom answers it, gets a funny look on her face, and goes into the office to talk. A few minutes later, she comes back in to tell me that the doctor called and that they found staph infection in Nicholas’s blood- in both samples they sent in to test. The doctors need him to come back to the hospital right away. His appointment for 4 o’clock that afternoon is too late.
When Momma tells him, he cries, “You mean I have to go back and get more blood tests?” He’d had 7 blood tests and 3 ivs already in the past 24 hours. Mom texts Anna from church to come stay with the kids, and I have to get ready to leave for Driver’s Ed. At this point, I begin to think that driving is a little overrated.
Mrs. S comes to pick me up, and Mom comes out to the van to tell her. Then Mom starts crying, I start crying and Mrs. S starts praying. It’s a few minutes before we leave our driveway. Everyone in the car and at class was so sweet, but I think that was the longest class in history. I get home to a counter full of food, a clean house, and the kids just getting home from swimming lessons. I strongly believe we have the best friends in the world.
The doctors do an echocardiogram of Nicholas’s heart to make sure the staph isn’t infecting it, and it comes back fine. Ws pick us up and take us to a little party that's been planned for a few weeks, and we pray for Nicholas while we’re there. We’re told that the doctors will do one more test to make sure he’s positive, and then they will start him on iv antibiotics for a week or two. If he responds well to those, they’d send him home with a PIC line for another two to four weeks. I email and text to get others praying, and Mom and Dad do the same. Satan starts whispering, “You know how you planned to...” and “How will you do/go ___ with Nick attached to medical lines all day?” We keep praying. Satan goes away.
We all get to go visit Nicholas at the hospital the next morning, and then Anna takes us home. We’re supposed to get the test results around 12, and Dad and Mom don’t want us there. It’s closer to one when a doctor comes in and tells them. “There’s absolutely no traces of staph in his blood. There’s no explanation for this. I just can’t understand it.”
We do. Our God is good.
That Tuesday started one of the craziest weeks of our lives, and we couldn’t have made it through without the support of some very special people.
To you who cleaned our house, filled our fridge, organized our towel drawer and brought us dinners,
Who stayed with us at different points, took the kiddos to swimming and me to driver ed,
Who occupied the girls, did our laundry and let me cry in the car,
Who texted me over and over, and let me vent,
Who sent us encouraging emails, texts and Facebook messages, and let us know you cared,
Who visited Nicholas in the hospital, prayed over him, and let my momma have a water break,
Who prayed,
Thank you. I can’t express how much you mean to us all. Your prayers, words, and help mattered- to Mom at the hospital, Dad in Ohio, and me home with all the girls. We couldn’t have made it without you and we firmly believe that Nicholas is healed today because of the healing power of our Heavenly Father. Your prayers made a difference.
Nicholas’s story is below, for those who might wish to read it.
God is good.
It’s a basic Tuesday morning and my mom is out running when my sister comes in and tells me that my brother can’t get out of bed. I go in and basically tell him to swing his legs around and climb down. It seems like a minor bump to a “normal” day. An hour or two later, he’s still complaining about his leg when I leave for Driver’s Ed.
Later in the day, he’s still in a ton of pain- and Kristin is still hobbling around from her hurt toe she got at soccer the night before. After dinner, Mom takes them both to the urgent care clinic, and I stay home with the little ones. She brings them home around 9:30- Kristin with a jammed toe and Nicholas undiagnosed. They think that possibly he has an appendix on the other side and that maybe he has appendicitis. We’re told to go the the E.R. if his pain gets worse or if he throws up. It’s a hard process to get him up the stairs and into bed.
The next morning, he “thinks it feels a little better.” I go off to driver’s ed again, after making Momma promise several times to text me updates. He gets worse throughout the day, and once piano lessons are over, Mom decides to take him in. Getting him into the car is difficult; he’s in so much pain that he can’t move his leg or hip without crying. We all cry a little watching him cry as they drive away.
Mom calls every few hours to give us updates, and the doctors don’t seem to know exactly what is wrong. First they say it’s appendicitis, then a badly pulled muscle, then a bacterial infection of the hip. It’s hard to wait, not knowing. Anna and Libby get a lot of texts, and their prayers and assurance is such a blessing. The doctors decide to admit him overnight and Mrs. W and Carson come over to spend the night with us and bring food. Dad leaves Ohio at 3 in the morning so that he can be at [the hospital] by 9. We think there’s a lot of long, painful tests ahead, and Dad wants to be there for Nick, for Mom, and for us.
I have to leave the house at 7:15 to drive the next day, and Mom texts while I’m at class that it’s a viral infection called Toxic Synovitis. They come home around 3, and he’s still limping, but so much better. He’s home, and we all think that life will go back to normal again. It doesn’t.
~~~
It’s around 8:30 the next morning when the phone rings. Mom answers it, gets a funny look on her face, and goes into the office to talk. A few minutes later, she comes back in to tell me that the doctor called and that they found staph infection in Nicholas’s blood- in both samples they sent in to test. The doctors need him to come back to the hospital right away. His appointment for 4 o’clock that afternoon is too late.
When Momma tells him, he cries, “You mean I have to go back and get more blood tests?” He’d had 7 blood tests and 3 ivs already in the past 24 hours. Mom texts Anna from church to come stay with the kids, and I have to get ready to leave for Driver’s Ed. At this point, I begin to think that driving is a little overrated.
Mrs. S comes to pick me up, and Mom comes out to the van to tell her. Then Mom starts crying, I start crying and Mrs. S starts praying. It’s a few minutes before we leave our driveway. Everyone in the car and at class was so sweet, but I think that was the longest class in history. I get home to a counter full of food, a clean house, and the kids just getting home from swimming lessons. I strongly believe we have the best friends in the world.
The doctors do an echocardiogram of Nicholas’s heart to make sure the staph isn’t infecting it, and it comes back fine. Ws pick us up and take us to a little party that's been planned for a few weeks, and we pray for Nicholas while we’re there. We’re told that the doctors will do one more test to make sure he’s positive, and then they will start him on iv antibiotics for a week or two. If he responds well to those, they’d send him home with a PIC line for another two to four weeks. I email and text to get others praying, and Mom and Dad do the same. Satan starts whispering, “You know how you planned to...” and “How will you do/go ___ with Nick attached to medical lines all day?” We keep praying. Satan goes away.
We all get to go visit Nicholas at the hospital the next morning, and then Anna takes us home. We’re supposed to get the test results around 12, and Dad and Mom don’t want us there. It’s closer to one when a doctor comes in and tells them. “There’s absolutely no traces of staph in his blood. There’s no explanation for this. I just can’t understand it.”
We do. Our God is good.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Are You Really Okay?
We're standing in the dusk of backstage left when her searching eyes look into mine. "Linds, are you okay?"
I jump to assure her that I am, that I'm "fine."
Her eyes pierce deeper. "You hide things."
I know. oh, how I know.
"I hope you do tell things to some one."
ouch.
Her words haunt me for the rest of the night and into the next morning. She's right. I hide things deep, shovel "I'm fine"s on top, because I'm scared of being hurt. again.
She won't hurt me. She loves me. She's my friend.
And she's worth the truth.
It's easy to feel like she won't care, but she does.
It's so easy to feel like she's too busy, has too much stress to handle my little problems. I mean, she's Eliza! in My Fair Lady! She has enough to think about.
But the truth is, I'm hurting her by my hiding.
I only have a week and a half left of this show with her, before she's graduated from HPA forever.
Do I really want this last show to be tainted with my lies? Or will I share, deepen our trust?
It's in the dark of night that I resolve.
And when I see her in a few hours, after we hug and she tells me how practice has gone so far, when she looks into my eyes and asks "And how are you?"
She's going to get the truth.
The whole truth.
Every time.
Because she's worth it.
I jump to assure her that I am, that I'm "fine."
 |
| Source |
I know. oh, how I know.
"I hope you do tell things to some one."
ouch.
Her words haunt me for the rest of the night and into the next morning. She's right. I hide things deep, shovel "I'm fine"s on top, because I'm scared of being hurt. again.
She won't hurt me. She loves me. She's my friend.
And she's worth the truth.
 |
| Source |
It's so easy to feel like she's too busy, has too much stress to handle my little problems. I mean, she's Eliza! in My Fair Lady! She has enough to think about.
But the truth is, I'm hurting her by my hiding.
I only have a week and a half left of this show with her, before she's graduated from HPA forever.
Do I really want this last show to be tainted with my lies? Or will I share, deepen our trust?
It's in the dark of night that I resolve.
And when I see her in a few hours, after we hug and she tells me how practice has gone so far, when she looks into my eyes and asks "And how are you?"
She's going to get the truth.
The whole truth.
Every time.
Because she's worth it.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Ponderings: HPA, Death & Trust in the Lord
It has been a crazy month.
And probably the hardest-craziest-busiest one that my HPA family has ever faced.
I talked a little bit about Marissa's Momma passing away on July 3rd.
The shows announcement was later then it has ever been, not coming out until July 14th.
We had a whirlwind of a two and a half weeks, memorizing monologues and singing "Oh, the Thinks You Can Think."
Friday, July 27th, we went to a party. It was full of laughter and friends, no one even imagining what would come next.
Sunday afternoon, the 29th, Bre's Dad called mine.
Sam and Christianna's dad had died. Extremely unexpectedly.
We had seen him just two days before.
Auditions were only 5 days later, on August 2nd, leaving HPA with an month that can't be looked at lightly.
-----
It really makes me ponder death, this having two of my friends' parents leave this earthly home. We knew that one was coming, the other shocked us all, leaving hundreds of speechless people all over our area.
I had a hard few days, hurting so badly for both of these families that I have grown to love. It's hard to trust sometimes, but after lots of Bible reading and prayer, I know that God has a plan for everything that's happened, both the pain and the good. I'll probably have deeper thoughts on this topic when everything has sunk in a bit more.
-----
Auditions went really, really well. I had to do some last minute adjustments, which are never fun, but God really came through and guided me the whole way. I could so feel His presence and love throughout the whole day... in the hugs He sent my way, the dance party I had with a few friends to relieve our stress, and the answers to the prayers I prayed.
All I can say, is that I'm glad that it's all over and that I'm not in charge of casting. I'm so happy that I can trust in the Lord.
-----
And really, that's all life is about. Trust in the Lord, and He will make your paths straight. He doesn't promise it will be easy, but He does promise He'll be with you.
He's the best. :)
And probably the hardest-craziest-busiest one that my HPA family has ever faced.
I talked a little bit about Marissa's Momma passing away on July 3rd.
The shows announcement was later then it has ever been, not coming out until July 14th.
We had a whirlwind of a two and a half weeks, memorizing monologues and singing "Oh, the Thinks You Can Think."
Friday, July 27th, we went to a party. It was full of laughter and friends, no one even imagining what would come next.
Sunday afternoon, the 29th, Bre's Dad called mine.
Sam and Christianna's dad had died. Extremely unexpectedly.
Auditions were only 5 days later, on August 2nd, leaving HPA with an month that can't be looked at lightly.
-----
It really makes me ponder death, this having two of my friends' parents leave this earthly home. We knew that one was coming, the other shocked us all, leaving hundreds of speechless people all over our area.
I had a hard few days, hurting so badly for both of these families that I have grown to love. It's hard to trust sometimes, but after lots of Bible reading and prayer, I know that God has a plan for everything that's happened, both the pain and the good. I'll probably have deeper thoughts on this topic when everything has sunk in a bit more.
-----
Auditions went really, really well. I had to do some last minute adjustments, which are never fun, but God really came through and guided me the whole way. I could so feel His presence and love throughout the whole day... in the hugs He sent my way, the dance party I had with a few friends to relieve our stress, and the answers to the prayers I prayed.
All I can say, is that I'm glad that it's all over and that I'm not in charge of casting. I'm so happy that I can trust in the Lord.
-----
And really, that's all life is about. Trust in the Lord, and He will make your paths straight. He doesn't promise it will be easy, but He does promise He'll be with you.
He's the best. :)
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